BE TENDERHEARTED TOWARDS YOUR BROTHER

For weekly Saturday Sabbath and other high days, Mr Micah fellowships with a small group in his community. Four sabbaths consecutively, he was unable to assemble for a holy convocation. The follow-up and welfare team looks after the welfare of group members and other related issues. The head of the team sets out to meet Mr Micah concerning not making it to the weekly gathering four sabbaths in a row.

Here is a question, how should the head of the follow-up and welfare team approach Mr Micah?

Although with good intention, many people would approach this and other similar situations, not following best practice—and that is how they would expect the head of the team to approach Mr Micah.

Mr Micah, why didn’t you come to sabbath meetings four Saturdays in a row?  You should not have missed them!

The above approach—a straightforward question, is not wrong, and no rule says it should not be used. However, it can potentially put Mr Micah  on the defensive and may not fully offer him the platform to explain his circumstance in such a defensive state. No matter how weighty his problem was, his circumstance stands a chance of being trivialised, misunderstood, or hidden.

Is there is a better way of approaching this?

Before delving into this, it is essential to understand the principle behind the best practice outlined below: welfare/good health before the weekly assembly. When I say ‘welfare/good health’, I am not referring to it as a precondition to be fulfilled before people can come to holy convocation—no, that’s not the case here. However, it is a widely accepted principle upon which the elements below are constructed.

The points below may not necessarily have to be executed in the same sequential order; situations are different. One should approach the problem using all or some of the points below—as the circumstance dictates.

1. Mr Micah, we didn’t see you the past four sabbaths, and we were worried about your welfare. Is everything OK with you? I hope there is no problem? If there is a problem, is there anything we can do to help?  These opening questions do not put Mr Micah on the defensive and allow him to be relaxed to express/explain himself clearly. What comes to the mind of Mr Micah is that my fellow brothers are much more interested in my welfare (physically and spiritually) than just seeing my physical presence in the weekly meetings. Avoid any direct/indirect situation that puts Mr Micah in a position where he feels ‘I have to explain and defend my absence’.
2. Listen carefully to Mr Micah, and don’t be in a position to trivialise his situation; it may be a minor headache. Show a great deal of concern for the situation—even if it does not appear weighty to you. The son of the Shunamite woman cries “my head, my head”, and he was dead shortly after. You may not understand the full depth of the situation; show deep concern for all cases. Be sensitive to his situation, and don’t brand him as ‘unserious’ or any other similar expression you could use in place of that.
3. Not being in a defensive state, Mr Micah is likely to respond correctly by expressing himself. Offer to help where you can—physically and spiritually. Offer substantive encouragement, prayer and comfort and not just a pity.
4. Mr Micah may be dealing with a prolonged difficulty and challenging situation, offer to visit—preferably, and not just relying on a phone call, text, WhatsApp, Facebook and other social media platforms. With the development of social media platforms, most people have replaced visits with comments on social media platforms like Facebook. I am not saying that these platforms are wrong, but a situation that calls for a visit—and one is the position to do so, one should not allow social media platforms to replace that.
5. Learn about the situation of Mr Micah. Before you can offer help now and continually, it is essential to understand his situation to provide the best support and not be in a position of policing him. For example, if he suffered/suffers from ill health, understand the kinetics of that disease behind the ill health and how he responds/manages it.
6. Offer continuous and long-term support to Mr Micah, and don’t directly or indirectly put him in a state where he begins to feel ‘I better keep quiet about my situation. They’ve had enough of me. Make him always feel welcome. Be tenderhearted towards your brother/sister.

Note. The name ‘Mr Micah’ in this article is purely for illustration sake and does not, in any way, refer to someone who bears this name.